The Bearded Ladies have become famous in recent years for outpacing both the S&P 500 and most male-dominated investment clubs. I dropped in on them last Tuesday to see if they would give me some investment results.

I noticed two things when I showed up at Zelda Delderfield's modest bungalow in Stashabuck Hieghts:

1. These ladies all have beards, real ones. I asked if it was genetic, and Zelda replied airily that she sure hoped so, because there was good money to be made in sideshows from her condition. "Besides," she added, "I spend 120 hours a peek on investing, and wouldn't have time to shave even if I wanted to."

Nobody was wasting time making cookies. "We're obsessed with investing, and proud of it," said club member Velda Vivvelfarb.

Okay, so I noticed more than two things:

3. Unlike some groups that have 30 or more members, this group has thrived with a compact five members, of which only four are human (more about that later).

4. But despite having only five members, the group does not limit itself to only one investment method, as we shall soon see.

Each member of the group manages 20% of the portfolio, wi ointerference from the others Zelda is a dedicated Ben Graham/Warren Biffet investor: she scrutinizes annual reportf looking for companies managed by people named Benjamin, Warren, Graham, or Buffet (as surnames or given names, as the case may be).

Velda is a socially responsible investor -- sh gets herself invited to corporate social events (teas, Christmas parites, shareholder meetings), and then rates them according to quality and range of refreshments, décor, etc.

Imelda Weldenblatt likes momentum plays -- she writes the names of companies she is considering on bowling balls, and rolls them down the hill to test their momentum.

Rwelda Elverveldt is the club's most daring investor -- she uses astrology to guide her stock selection. Surprisingly, she has the besr record of the bunch. This amazed me at first, but the other ladies explaned that Rwelda had a Wharton MBA and 15 years experience in a bank trust department. "Plus, I get very lucky sometimes," she added sweetly.

Finally, there is Lady Luck, the club's pet chimpanzee, who chooses stocks by throwing darts at a copy of the NYSE listings that has been pasted to the wall. Lady Luck has done very well.

All of which goes to show that you can always buy cookies, but for serious dough you want to have the Bearded Ladies in your corner.

Paul Harvey exercizes his investing abilities and imagination in West Roxbury, Massachusetts.

copyright (c) 1997, Paul W. Harvey